Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Jenga...





Stay calm...

Breathe...

Each piece of my life right now feels like a piece of a Jenga game. Each emotion, feeling, event, and purpose are a delicate balance holding me together. Some people hold these pieces, and others I hold myself. With each turn, a new piece is ripped out and I may possibly come crashing down. The comfort comes from knowing I can be rebuilt.

You are strong...

You have done this before...

Nothing softened that blow. Who am I kidding? Tiny fingers on a tiny hand. A hand I hold everywhere right now unless I hear "I'm a big boy." Tiny little fingers that are being pricked five times a day right now and will be doubled in the next few months. For his entire life. It feels wrong to be doing this to him. He's so little. It keeps him alive and I have no choice. More pieces taken from me that leave me wobbly and weak.

It is what it is...

We move on...

Sadness, fear, blame, guilt, anger. These are all emotions for me that come with this. I will not sweep them under the rug and pretend they aren't there. I did that the first time. I can't do it to myself again. My kids need a whole person to lead them through life and not the shell I had become before. I am okay. I always get through. I always survive. What choice do we have really? They need us. They look to us for guidance on how to handle something of this magnitude. And Abby...where will she fit in all of this? The worry doesn't subside when you are a mommy.

You are not alone...

Ask for help...

This has never been easy for me. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and it will break me eventually. It will be the last piece. I know this.

I am a delicate stack of emotions right now. I will fall down piece by piece and I will build myself back up, piece by piece. My heart hurts for my children but I know from Lily what diabetes has given her...strength, perseverance, empathy, understanding, responsibility...the list goes on and on. I hope Henry finds the same things through how we handle this.


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